Tuesday, December 31, 2013
Through the eyes of my Mom Part 1
By Jill Marie
Happy New Years Eve (or New Year)!
It has been quite a long time since I posted a blog. I don't always have 5 great tips or 3 simple solutions to share. In fact...that isn't why I originally started blogging in the first place.
To me it was a way to share information that I was learning or processing and I liked to share it with others on their journey...not as an expert but as a fellow journeyer. I wasn't so good at following the proper blog formula to engage the reader. Which I certainly would like to do...otherwise it is a waste of your time and potentially mine if I was attempting to write a real gem every time I blogged...but that put some incredible pressure on me so instead of writing from my heart I got caught up in the rules and for me, if I'm not passionate about it then it just becomes another chore.
Today I just want to write for me and if it speaks to you I hope you'll read it and it would be awesome if it touches your soul in some way, and if not that is totally fine too ;)
This has been a tough few years for me and now that my Dad passed away it makes me miss my Mom even more. She died in April 2011, and he passed in July 2013.
That brings me to my story...
For 5 years I have had one of those old disposable cameras sitting on a shelf. It was my Mom's and I told her I would get it developed for her. There were still 8 photos left so she asked me to use them up...or I could just get it developed, my choice.
Digital was the hot ticket by now so I never did take any photos with that camera...and I never developed it either.
It sat on my counter, then in a drawer, the hall closet, up to my room on my dresser, then in my sock drawer, back to my dresser...and back and forth it went.
Looking at that camera after my mom died was a reminder that it is something I never did for her. So again I put it in on the counter to bring with me the next time I went to the store. Yet I didn't do it.
Why? I can't explain it...I wanted to, I planned on it, but it just never made it to the store.
This past Sunday...it felt like it was time, time to take it to the store and finally see what my mom loved enough to take some pictures of. I was ready, the camera was ready, and it seemed even my mom was hanging around in the ethers reassuring me that this was the perfect time.
So off I went to Costco...only for them to say they no longer develop that type of film. My heart sank...was this a lesson to do what I say I'm going to do, when I say I'm going to do it...which is some people's definition of Success. I like that definition...except then that meant that I failed :(
Or was it a lesson in trusting in Divine timing...was there truly a "reason" that it would have waited until now to be developed? Kind of hard if I wouldn't be able to find anybody to develop it.
Off I went to Target where they too told me they don't do that type of film anymore. I felt my heart drop, but I did not feel defeated. There was no doubt in my mind that I would find a way to get that film developed and that it could be easy.
So off I went to Walgreen's and happily they said they could send it out and do it no problem. I get that film back on Thursday. I am so excited!!!
Will it be a bunch of blurry pictures? Will it be of the grand kids? My mom loved her puppy...will it be of Maddie? Or her backyard with her flower pots that she loved so much? Whatever they are of...it will be something that was seen through her eyes.
I wonder if at that point I will have a better idea of what insight (aka learning lesson) I will get out of this.
Right now it seems like loving and accepting myself no matter what, and also that trust are just about always the answer for everything!
I'll post them when I get them.
Wishing you all the best in 2014 and a year filled with Inner Alignment